Teenagers live in a world of their own, quite unlike the real one: only physically live on earth. They live in a world of dreams, hopes, loves and everything in this world seems magical.
This world is the same for every guy, just that everyone imagineshow he wants and not allowed others to join. Any idea that they is processed and becomes just like a movie. Teenagers need to live in a world of suffering and to feel important and considered. Every teenager have a dream that you can change: from being a famous footballer or to visit a big city.
One of the most important partsof a teenager is love. Everyone has a secret crush remains even when evil is repelled by the person "loved". Every teenager have his group of friends to play, to share the same passions, with whom make mistakes and where to be part of the group forced to fall in smoking, drugs Alchol.
Each teenagers lives his life according to his own future.
Bye,
Michele <3
I certainly agree with your sentiments about (some) teenagers!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe way you have organised this essay is good, with just 4 nicely-balanced paragraphs and lots of support for your points.
The most important thing I would say is that you have written in your title "story". Is this really intended as a story because if so you would have problems in the area of task achievement. Instead it's really an ARTICLE. In a story, you would have to have something actually HAPPEN rather than comment on something, whereas for an article this is perfect.
"guy" is rather too colloquial for a formal piece.
"everyone imagines IT the way he wants and doesn't allow others into their world (or vision?)
Is there a verb missing after "any idea that they ..... is processed???" (e.g. have)
"Every" takes a singular verb, so "has".
Not quite sure what "that you can change" means here? Do you mean that the teenagers can change or develop into something else?
from being ..... to visitING a famous city
Rather than "parts of a teenager" I think "subjects for a teenager" would work better, unless you prefer "parts of a teenager's life."
I don't actually understand what you want to say by "evil" here. I think "reject" might be more appropriate than "repel" if you mean that the object of the crush doesn't approve of it!
I think I understand the last sentence but the grammar comes a bit unstuck. Perhaps something like: "Every teenager has his own group of friends to hang out with, with whom s/he can share the same passions and make mistakes, and also where being being part of a group can lead them to try out activities such as smoking, taking drugs and drinking alcohol."
In general, a nice reflection on the topic of teenagers.
Sorry. Just realised I should have written "doesn't allow others into HIS (not their) world!
ReplyDeleteAlso, in the last sentence am not sure what you mean about living life according to your future. Do you mean how you want your future to develop/work out?
Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI'll try to do my best next time also with your valuable suggestions!
Thank You Very Very Much!
Bye <3!
In the last phrase I meant to say: a teenagers style of life will affect his/her own future (ex. work, family, etc.)
ReplyDeleteThaks!
Michele!
Oh I see.
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome. I look forward to all the future ones!
Best wishes.