Dear Mrs
Richardson,
I’m writing
to request information about your job advertisement. I really would like to
apply this job for widening my working
horizons .First of all I would present myself : I’m 16 , currently I’m attending the third year of high school and an intensive English course. Unfortunately I haven’t any working experience in a shop like yours before, but this job might be a good employment to start. I worked like a baby sitter and a waitress for years and I really enjoy dealing with people . Last year, in fact, I received a plaque from the restaurant where I was working for my big patient and my working abilities. I’ll be willing to work in the weekends because I’m an hard worker and this summer I want to do my best to earn a good salary that I will use for my holidays.
I would
really enjoy this work and I wish that you will appreciate my references.
I look
forward to hearing youBest regards,
Debora
Castano.
Hi Deborah,
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting the task. It really makes it easier for me to see what you had to do.
This letter would have a "positive effect on the reader" as the examiners are always looking for. It gets its message across well so well done.
The few little points are as follows:
- apply for this job (or position, which is more polite) in order to widen...
- I would like to introduce myself.
- I'm 16 and currently...
- high school and am also doing/taking ...
- Unfortunately I haven't had...
- "but this job might be a good employment to start" comes across as rather negative and a little insulting, for several reasons. 1) "to start" suggests it's not good enough to keep for long! 2) "Might" implies you're not sure! 3) "Job" is not as polite as "post" or "position".
- worked as... (Like is only saying it was similar to and not really that job.)
- Do you really mean "plaque" (something to put on your wall) or do you mean an award of some sort?
- My great patience and my ability in my work/at the job.
- at week-ends
- a hard worker (not an. The h is sounded.)
- "which" rather than "that"
- hope rather than wish. Wish means that you won't get it so it's a kind of regret. Hope is positive for the future.
- You might think about mentioning being available for interviews as a way of finishing off.
An effective letter and organised into suitable paragraphs with the right lay-out etc. Well done.
Best regards,
Sherry.