Monday, February 18, 2013
Essay_Sarah
THE ENVIRONMENT
The environment we live in will change dramatically in the next 50 years. This change is very dangerous, especially if human activity continues more and more to pollute the environment.
The main cause of environmental change are the climate change and the rise in global temperatures. Climate change is one of the most urgent problems. The heat increase is attributed to human and industrial activities, as they emit a lot of greenhouse gases.
The climate change and the rise in global temperatures are the cause of: natural disasters such as earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, cyclones and droughts, wich will increase more and more; the deforestation; the emission of pollution from motor vehicles.
The present precarious condition of the planet is due to over-consumption of energy, and I think we need to reduce this excessive energy consumption; for example replacing the traditional light bulbs with energy saving light bulbs.
I think that if each of us will engage to reduce the excessive energy consumption the results will be.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hi Sarah,
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent essay with some very ambitious language and very few errors.
A few comments:
- Lovely opening paragraph. You could POSSIBLY change the word order of the last sentence by moving "more and more" to the end which sounds stronger, but it's not essential.
- The main causes = plural
- ... climate change (no "the") but keep the "the" for "the rise in..."
- Being very picky, "a lot of" is a bit casual. Maybe "considerable quantities of.."
- Again no "the" with "climate change". I wouldn't put a colon after "the cause of..." and would finish the sentence at "which (Note spelling) ...more and more. Also, don't you mean "are caused by" rather than "are the cause of...?"
- Then I would make a new sentence, e.g. "They are also caused by deforestation as well as by the emission of ...
- for example by replacing traditional (no "the")..
- "make an effort" or "commit (to +ing)" rather than "engage"
- the results will be what???
Really well written. Excellent work.
Best regards, Sherry