One of your mother's friends has received this letter. She has asked you for your opinions.
I'm interested in comingn to your country for a few months to learn the language. I know a little of the language, but I'd like ti speak it much better. I'm 17 years old and I think this would be a useful way to spend some time before I go to university next year. What do you think I should do? Should I look for a job or find somewhere to study?
I look forward to hearing your opinions.
Yours.
Anna
Dear Anna,
I support your choice: I think that one of the best way to improve a language is going abroad.
First of all, If you come here you should find somewhere to study, because It can help you more and It gives you the opportunity to learn the language in a deep way. I also racommend you finding a job to allow you to pay your studies and to meet more people too. You'd better avoid sharing your apartment with people of your nationality. Yes, you could find some initial difficulties, but don't be easily put off, I'm sure that you'll overcome them. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and you could live up to your expectations.
I hope that my advices will satisfy you. I'm on hand to you for other problems.
Yours,
Carolina.
This is a very good letter. The style is appropriate (polite/neutral) and you have fully achieved the task. You have also used some excellent lexis such as "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, etc. Very well done.
ReplyDeleteNB It is really helpful that you included the actual task with your essay because it makes it much easier to see whether you were working on and whether you have anwered all parts of it. Thank you.
For me the main points are:
You have started rather abruptly. Could you perhaps thank her for her letter or something first?
..one of the best WAYS (plural)
"in a deep way" doesn't work. Maybe "study the language more deeply", or "study the language at more depth" or "learn the language more thoroughly."
I would break up the long paragraph a little more and would certainly put in a paragraph break after "of your nationality." The rule of thumb is to start a new paragraph when you change topic in any substantial way.
You normally use recommend in the following ways (and be careful of the spelling!):
I recommend that you find a job.
I recommend that you should find a job.
I recommend you to find a job.
to pay FOR YOUR studies
Rather than "you'd better avoid" which comes across as rather too strong, you could say. "I think it would be better to avoid.."
"some difficulties initially" somehow sounds smoother than "some initial difficulties"
It's the opportunity that will live up to the expectations, not the person!! Also, "could" here makes it sound rather negative, as if you don't actually think this is a very strong possibiity! Maybe something like, "I'm sure it will live up to your expectations."
Advice doesn't take a plural form, and here "satisfy" isn't really appropriate. Better "will be of use to you."
For the last sentence it would be more natural to say something like, "Please feel free to contact me if you need any further advice (or help); or "Please don't hesitate to contact me if...."
Altogether this is, as I said, a really good answer which would get good marks. Well done.