Task: Your English speaking friend, Andrew, is thinking of starting a small business providing holiday camps for children. Notes :
- give opinion on wheter you think activities like water sports,camping and climbing could be successful;
- tell Andrew about how do people spend summer time in your country;
- say that you will help him organising this camp;
- ask for details about the accomodation.
Please Sherida, could you also give me an FCE mark, please?
Dear Andrew
I am really pleased to hear you again and I am glad to know that you have decided to start your own activity.
It will be surely successful cause childreen loves staying together and make new friends.
Here in my country childreen, when they have finished their school, usually go to the beach to have a bath and play socceron the sand they alsolike to have excursions in the nature. (like forest or mountains ones)
By the way I will be very happy to come help you but I was just wondering:
Where are i am going to stay?
When i am supposted to come?
What type of cloths i have to take with me?
Anyway i will call you when i have time, to know more information about this beautiful idea.
Bye for now.
Lorenzo
Hi Lorenzo,
ReplyDeleteI am REALLY sorry that I didn't spot your post when you first published it - I seem to have missed a whole day of e-mails! Then these last 10 days have been really busy for me. Anyway, I'm going to make a start now and then finish tonight 'cos I have to go to work soon!
First of all a general comment. You have fully answered the question and spelt out the details of the points you mention, so that's a really good thing. Secondly, you have laid it out in the correct format for a letter, so there are no problems there either. Well done!
Regarding a mark, it's most definitely a pass and the points I mentioned above are good. There are a few spelling mistakes and little awkwardness which would bring the mark down a bit so I would think it would probably come into the upper end of the C band.
I will finish off (late) tonight with the details of the spelling and little awkwardnesses.
Very best regards,
Sherry
Thank Sherida I ll try to pay more attention next time
DeleteHi Lorenzo,
ReplyDeleteHere are the long-promised more detailed comments:
- Comma after "Dear Andrew,"
- hear from you again
- "Surely" is actually used in a negative way, e.g. "I've just seen a UFO!" "Surely not!" (Meaning "I don't believe you!")
Here would be better, "I'm sure it will be a success because children love staying (or being) together and making new friends."
- Word order: Here in my country, when children have finished (no "their") school they usually love to go to the beach to have a swim and play soccer on the sand. (A bath is something you do when you want to get clean!!) They also like to go on excursions in natural surroundings like forests or mountains.
- come and help you
- Capital "I"
- What type of clothes do I have to bring with me? (Bring because you are going in the direction of the person you are speaking to. Take is away from them.
- to find out rather than to know. Know is something you already do, e.g. "I know where Italy is." Find out is the beginning of the action, e.g. "I don't know where Italy is so I'll have to find out."
Well done and hope it all goes well for you in the exam. I think you're taking it this week, aren't you?
Very best wishes,
Sherry.