Essay_Silvia
Let’s imagine how the world will be in the next
fifty years…how our life will change…Are we ready for the biggest challenge in
man’s history? Could technology and environment fairly cohabit? Too many
queries, too many problems to solve, we are living a decisive phase. We have to
work hard in order to save our mother Earth, we can’t waste any more time
because the nature doesn’t wait for us. The environment constantly rebel through
disasters such as tsunami, hurricanes, earthquakes and climate change. This is
the wake-up call for every nation that has to respect the international
agreements like Kyoto Protocol, which has established specific environmental
legislation. The countries that haven’t signed the Protocol ignore the
dangerous effects caused by pollution. It is projected that by 2075 between 75
and 250 million people will be experiencing problems with water supply. Inter
alia, changing snow and ice conditions will force many communities in the northern
hemisphere to change their traditional
way of life. In the Mediterranean area
the eldest people may be at risk and there could be more frequent forest fires
because of longer, hotter summers. Besides rising coastal temperatures could
make outbreaks of cholera more widespread, ecologically-rich areas, including
The Great Barrier Reef, will be significantly affected with many species at risk. We
won’t have enough resources for a growing world population, for a huge energy
demand to satisfy the modern needs produced from technology; this last will
survive only if we find a real eco-friendly way of using, we have to totally
change our lifestyle, to convert our economies, our transports. Therefore we
need a green revolution to save our planet and to preserve coming generations.
Hi again Silvia,
ReplyDeleteThis is a well-constructed essay - except for the very important point that I've mentioned before on the blog-site about PARAGRAPHING!!! It's really important because you automatically lose marks in the exam if you don't do it. That's a waste of a good essay!
Specific points:
- Instead of "how the world will be" it's better/more usual to say "what the world will be like." We use "how" more for "How are you?"
- and the environment co-habit fairly (or maybe equally/in a balanced way)
- There are too many...solve and we are living....You need grammatically correct sentences.
- After Earth either a full stop or "so...because nature (not the nature) won't wait for us."
- rebels (third person), tsunamis (we usually put the s on)
- ...respect international agreements like the Kyoto Protocol, which established ...(because it was a while ago now).
- Mediterranean area, (i.e. comma) But NB that whole section is particularly well-written).
- I think "in addition" would sound better/more formal than "besides".
- "and" after "widespread". You've got 2 equal clauses.(Unless you meant the "besides" in this way but if so it doesn't work as well.
- Not sure about the "the" before modern needs.Think it's better without and would probably say "caused" rather than "produced".
- way of using it - then full stop or "so"
- lifestyle and to....and transport systems
- instead of "and to preserve" I would use "in order to..."
This is a REALLy well-written piece, marred only by the important point of its lack of paragraphs.Otherwise excellent work.
Best regards,
Sherry
-
Thank you for your time! I must remember since now the paragraphs!!
Delete